Talking About Tradegy and Trauma

I've been debating on how to write this post, or even if I should at all, but we all know been a week that, despite the insane political atmosphere right now, has another elephant in the room that can't be hidden.

Another school shooting marks the 218th time a gun has been fired or brandished on school property in 2024 (the calendar year, not academic).

The Columbine school shooting occurred during my sophomore years, the spring of 1999. I was not yet 16, and I'm now 41. The lack of social media and a limited news media didn't stop the spread of that news, although it was not as sensationalized as events are today. I don't remember much changing in the couple of years I had left of high school. We had our fair share of fights and I do remember knives on occasion, which to me, is just as scary as a gun.

It feels like in these last 25 years, the cycle just keeps spinning, with a lot of talk and little action. After each shooting, we hear about the need for better gun control, for more mental health resources, for stricter SRO presence, for "insert fix here". Then, what really happens? Sure, mental detectors, policy reviews about open doors, better security systems for guests, but the end result hasn't changed.

I don't have an answer, but I do know that our children and teens need us. They need us to listen to them. They need us to give them room to grow, to fail, to remember that they are loved. Furthermore, they also need us to provide better mental health resources and recognize the pressures that they face, whether it's from us or internal.

We love our kids and want them to be the best selves they can be, but the pressures (even of children) are a lot! In the past two weeks, I've been blessed to deliver school supplies to four schools, with another one still to go. Each school has kids and teens that are being kids and teens, but underneath the laughter, the smiles, there's bullying, insane peep pressure, and even internal pressure to meet expectations placed upon them by families, coaches, and yes, even us youth leaders.

I am really lucky that I have a group of children and teens, that although they aren't mine by blood, they have built a relationship to me. Those with phones reach out to me even during the school days to send silly notes, sometimes photos, and tell me that they are in lock-down again.

Yes, the word "again" was used several times last year. Causes: weapons, fighting, gang violence, reports of suspicious persons on campus, and even someone pulled the fire alarm.

Y'all, I don't have any answers anymore than any of you do. I feel the same things: fear for kids and teachers, anger, sadness, and more.

But I do know that we need to have the conversations with our teens. Don't let the passive "fine" be enough when asking about their day. Build that relationship. Listen. Press them to tell you more, before it's too late.

When needed, find the professionals. In a couple of weeks, I'll be heading to a training on mental health and faith along with suicide prevention (another uptick in recent years too), and I know that these are valuable resources to have in my toolbox, but as parents, make sure you have some too.

Finally, I'll say that in the Lutheran baptismal promises, which are similar to other mainstream denominations that baptize infants, we promise to help raise and nurture the child in our faith community, alongside of the parents. Those children in that school down the street that you see exiting the building each day are part of your community, regardless of whether you or they attend any religious worship services at all. Regardless of whether you have any connection to anyone in that building at all. Those are also the children that play with your kids on playgrounds, soccer fields, and the like are part of your community. We are not alone, and you are not alone.

Some articles to have in your toolbox:

How to Talk with Your Kids About School Shootings

How to Talk with Kids About Tragedies and Other News Events

Helping Your Children Manage Distress in the Aftermath of a Shooting

September is also suicide prevention month. For resources related to prevention, identifying signs, and more, visit the American Pyschological Association.

We are here if you need us to listen too. Just reach out.