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The Love Hate Relationship with Mothers

 There is a saying that daughters have a harder relationship with their mothers than sons do.  I often wondered why this is.  A family friend lost her mom this week and they didn't have the best relationship.  It got me to thinking that there are 3 types of mother/daughter relationships: Daughters that want to be just like their mom and have a strong relationship, Daughters that want to please their mother and they have a modest relationship and Daughters that want to be nothing like their mom and don't have a relationship with their mom.  I think I fall in the middle.

I was a rebellious child.  Whatever my mom said, I did the opposite.  That line of "Wait until your father gets home" was not feared by me... in fact, I used to tell it back to her and tell her to wait until my dad came home.  It made me grow up thinking I was a fresh child and probably needed a swat from my mom, but as an adult, I realize it was more than that.  I wanted the mom that baked cookies, helped with my homework, and brushed the tangles out of my hair.  I wanted the mom that would talk to me as a person and not one that used idle threats to "scare" me into behaving.

  When I had E, I swore to be nothing like that with him.  I wanted him to have freedom of expression and be able to come to me with anything and so far so good, but what does that mean of my relationship with my mom?  I call my mom daily and work to have a better relationship with her because in this life you only get one mom.  My mom is still here and as long as she is, I want to have her as part of my life.  

The thing is, my mom did her best.  She raised 4 girls primarily alone and while she struggled she let it become a permanent disposition. This has hindered efforts over the years to be close to the woman that raised us. I know we put our parents on this pedestal and want them to be just so, but we need to remember that they are human too. They make mistakes. We second guess and beat ourselves up over every single mistake we think we made with our kids what makes you think she doesn't do the same?

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