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Taking Back My Health

For as long as I can remember, I have always struggled with my weight. One of my earliest recollections of weight struggle, was in the 5th grade when I needed new clothes. My mom took me to a store to look for some shorts in the girl's section, and I didn't fit into any of the clothes. I didn't really understand what that meant, but my mom went to the juniors section and grabbed different sizes for me. I remember trying on a pair of size 9 shorts and being so happy that they fit, but knowing that something wasn't right about me needing to go to the teen section for clothes. My mom didn't make a huge fuss about it, but I could tell that she was just as surprised as I was. 

As I got older, my weight fluctuated with age and hormones. I knew that I was a chubby kid, and as I got older I knew that I didn't look like other girls my age, I was bigger than them and a lot of kids took pleasure in pointing that out to me. It was devastating as a child to be taunted about my weight, but not really understanding what that meant, or why kids were being mean to me about it. It wasn't until I started to pick out my own clothes and noticed that I couldn't wear the same things as other kids, that I knew that something was different with me. As I became aware of my size, I began to dread clothes shopping. I would have breakdowns in the dressing room when I would try on clothes that I desperately wanted to wear, knowing that they wouldn't fit me. 

Life only got harder as I got older and realized that I had to do something about my weight. I struggled for years to lose weight on my own, with only mild success. In high school, I took several semesters of aerobics, which helped me keep some weight off, but it only crept back when I stopped working out. Once I graduated high school, I knew I had to do something drastic, so I joined Weight Watchers with my Grandma. With help, support, and encouragement from family and friends, I was able to lose 40lbs. I started to enjoy who I was and really felt confident in my own skin for the first time. I kept the weight off for over 4 years, but unfortunately marriage, and stress caused me to gain all of the weight back, and then some. I was devastated that I had allowed that to happen to me, but I knew that I had done it once before,  I could do it again. 

So, after deciding that Cory and I wanted to start having kids, I decided to get healthy again. I re-joined weight watchers, and over the course of two years, I was able to lose 70lbs! I kept that weight off for another two years, but once we started fertility treatments and IVF meds, the weight started to creep back on. Add in a miscarriage, birth control to balance hormones and Cymbalta, and I've gained back all but 3lbs of the 70lbs I had lost. I'm been pretty upset with myself for gaining the weight back, but I have struggled with the lack of motivation to do anything about it. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food, and making a decision to change that is so hard for me. 

However, I have recently decided that I no longer like the way I look and feel. Couple that with the fact that we are very interested in adoption, so I want to be healthy for any possible child that comes into our lives. I don't want to be overweight, with no energy, struggling to keep up with a newborn or toddler. I know that this isn't going to be easy, but I'm ready to do it. I've told myself that working out will suck in the beginning, but once I get back into it, I'll love it again. I'm ready to make a change in my life, and I'm ready to take back my health and get my weight under control. Just an FYI, I've tried KETO many times, and it's not for me. I'm going to do this the old fashion way, by watching what I eat, portion control, and working out. I'm nervous but really excited to shed this weight and start to feel like my old self again!

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