There are many factors that come into play when discussing intimacy within a relationship.

Intimacy is a word that seems to have a different meaning to many different people. It can be open to interpretation based on the individual's past experiences, traumas, love, commitment, childhood and the list goes on.

One of the biggest hurdles surrounding intimacy that I have discovered in people, is a fear due to past hurt or abandonment. When someone fully let's their walls down and becomes emotionally vulnerable to another, the opportunity to be hurt is at an all time high. As humans, we tend to move forward in our lives based on what we have experienced in the past. This is human nature and we almost can't help it. However, with a good bit of self-discovery and a journey toward self-actualization, anyone can move past former trauma or hurt toward future love and acceptance. You can read more about the factors that can affect intimacy in relationships in this article. 

When someone is hurt do to infidelity, an immediate wall is constructed that can prevent the person from trusting the next potential partner. We have a natural instinct to protect ourselves and there is nothing wrong with this! This is what enables us to pull our hand back from a hot sensation and wrap our arms around our bodies when we are cold. We protect. It is one of the most basic human instincts and part of the human condition. 

In protecting our physical bodies, it is only natural that we protect our emotions and mental well-being. Sometimes, people tend to forget just how great the lengths are that we go through as people to protect this part of our bodies. The spirit, mind, heart are all connected and are intangible. This makes it even more complicated when trying to repair past damage in order to move forward to future success. When our body is injured, a doctor may treat the injury in a scientific way to heal the wound. When our emotions are injured, the path to healing becomes much more complicated. 

If you're someone that has been hurt in a past relationship and are finding it difficult to trust again, you are not alone. Relationship complications are a common thread among those who pursue counseling. Give yourself TIME. Give yourself GRACE. Give yourself PERMISSION to say no when it doesn't feel right and give yourself the ultimate AUTHORITY to decide who and what you allow into your emotional space. Be open and honest with the next person that comes into your life. Let them know the fears and concerns that you are bringing to the table and do not be afraid to explain what you need from your new relationship. 

You can love again. You can trust again. You can be happy in your relationship and experience true intimacy even if you've been hurt in the past. There is someone out there that would love to know you and help you do just that.

Blessings,