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Letting Go And Holding On

My youngest babe has always desired fierce independence. 

Maybe I'm nostalgic for time gone by, but my little guy will be turning 10 this month and I think I'm allotted a small moment to fuss about him growing up. 

The picture above was taken after a few snaps were captured, like the one below.

He humored me. He took the photos with me. When I snapped a few, he was out. The symbolism of the first picture spoke to my mama heart. He's ready to run. He's ready to bolt. He is holding onto his mama for a moment and then he's gone. 

I still remember the lingering hugs and even kisses, while out in public. It's just been in the last year that I've seen this shift and while I thought it would be devastating, it's not. I'm learning 10 year old him. I'm listening. I'm waiting. I'm asking the questions but not prodding. I'm offering the hug, but respecting when he's done.

His older brother who is 11.5 is the complete opposite. He wants all the affection and doesn't care where we are. That's awesome but that's just his personality. I'm discovering that my youngest babe feels closeness through activities. He bonds by doing. He's an active kid that enjoys throwing a football with me or even having a light saber battle as opposed to cuddling up on the couch. So what do I do? I throw the football and I have the light saber battle in the middle of the toy store. When I feel ready to go and he asks for one more round, I oblige his request, knowing that this light saber battle is what makes him feel close to his mom. 

Things are changing and I feel it. There has been a shift in the sand as my little boys grow into big guys. What I'm learning as I parent these beautiful people is that this foundation is not quick sand. We are not sinking fast, grasping for a branch to stop the spiral downward. Can it feel like that now and then? Uh, yeah! It's not, though. It's solid. It's firm. I love them so completely, but I know God loves them even more than I. He is shaping them and guiding their steps. They don't see it yet, but I do. 

My littlest baby is coming into his own. He's not following in his big brother's footsteps. He's creating his own and it's beautiful to see. I'm letting him go but I'm also holding on. As mother's, we never fully let go. I'll be hanging on until the very end. He is a part of me and watching him grow is the most beautiful, fulfilling heart ache I'll ever experience. 



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