I didn't grow up in a two parent household. The times that I did have both my parents around it was not an environment for kids to be around. As an adult, I know their relationship was toxic. They had love for us and I'm sure at one point for each other but over the years it dwindled. I promised myself and before God that if I ever got married I would not have their relationship. Now, the other side of this is that I know what I don't want in a relationship. I also have amazing in-laws that lead the example of how to stay happy in marriage. My mother in-law gave me the best advice, although I questioned it at first. It is to put your husband first. Your kids will grow and leave the nest, but your husband is the person you chose to be a life partner. Did you treat him like a partner your entire relationship?
When our kids were small, we argued a lot. He worked odd hours and is very "kids should be seen and not heard" while I am the total opposite. I want my kids to laugh and enjoy being a child because I didn't. It caused some conflict and I am guilty in pushing my mama weight around and causing a lot of the conflict because I didn't see it from his side. In 2013, our lives changed when my husband lost his job. He was home more and got to be a part of what home life was and it changed the dynamics in our family.
When our kids were small, we argued a lot. He worked odd hours and is very "kids should be seen and not heard" while I am the total opposite. I want my kids to laugh and enjoy being a child because I didn't. It caused some conflict and I am guilty in pushing my mama weight around and causing a lot of the conflict because I didn't see it from his side. In 2013, our lives changed when my husband lost his job. He was home more and got to be a part of what home life was and it changed the dynamics in our family.
We spent more time together as a family. He got to be a part of the day to day parenting things he normally missed, he was able to see what I did to make this house run, and he began to show me an appreciation I felt I was lacking. It was during that time that we decided to follow his mom's advice. We needed to make sure we were both in a good place and working together instead of separately. Since then, I know our relationship is unbreakable.
Tips for Keeping Communication Open
1. Don't be embarrassed- You should be able to discuss everything with your spouse. Your body/spirit/self-awareness is just as important as theirs. If you are not comfortable with something say something.
2. Have the hard conversations- If either of you hold back on feelings resentment is sure to follow.
3. Take time to just be a couple- Go on a date, spend a night away, or just dance in the kitchen.
I don't have all the answers but I know what worked for us. Nearly 15 years after our relationship started I still get goosebumps when he touches me and I feel safer than I ever have in my life. I wish that for anyone in a relationship, because we deserve it.
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