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Keeping Love & Intimacy in Your Marriage

I didn't grow up in a two parent household. The times that I did have both my parents around it was not an environment for kids to be around.  As an adult, I know their relationship was toxic.  They had love for us and I'm sure at one point for each other but over the years it dwindled.  I promised myself and before God that if I ever got married I would not have their relationship.  Now, the other side of this is that I know what I don't want in a relationship.  I also have amazing in-laws that lead the example of how to stay happy in marriage.  My mother in-law gave me the best advice, although I questioned it at first.  It is to put your husband first.  Your kids will grow and leave the nest, but your husband is the person you chose to be a life partner.  Did you treat him like a partner your entire relationship?

When our kids were small, we argued a lot.  He worked odd hours and is very "kids should be seen and not heard" while I am the total opposite.  I want my kids to laugh and enjoy being a child because I didn't.  It caused some conflict and I am guilty in pushing my mama weight around and causing a lot of the conflict because I didn't see it from his side.  In 2013, our lives changed when my husband lost his job.  He was home more and got to be a part of what home life was and it changed the dynamics in our family.  

We spent more time together as a family.  He got to be a part of the day to day parenting things he normally missed, he was able to see what I did to make this house run, and he began to show me an appreciation I felt I was lacking.  It was during that time that we decided to follow his mom's advice.  We needed to make sure we were both in a good place and working together instead of separately.  Since then, I know our relationship is unbreakable.  

Tips for Keeping Communication Open

1. Don't be embarrassed- You should be able to discuss everything with your spouse.  Your body/spirit/self-awareness is just as important as theirs.  If you are not comfortable with something say something.
2. Have the hard conversations- If either of you hold back on feelings resentment is sure to follow.  

3. Take time to just be a couple- Go on a date, spend a night away, or just dance in the kitchen.  

I don't have all the answers but I know what worked for us.  Nearly 15 years after our relationship started I still get goosebumps when he touches me and I feel safer than I ever have in my life.  I wish that for anyone in a relationship, because we deserve it.

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