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Helpful Tips for Surviving Family Divorce

 


Very few divorces are ever easy on anyone involved and unfortunately, it seems like the primary focus has always been on the once-happy couple. Sadly, there are other people involved in the divorce such as the children! Even the in-laws are involved to a certain extent and so it is imperative to understand the concept of a family divorce. While the primary onus for care and support falls on the parents, there are other people involved, like it or not.

Understand the Impact on the Family

Consider, for example, how the in-laws as your extended family are feeling when a married couple decides it’s time to make a break. If you think their feelings don’t matter, watch their reaction when you tell them you are getting divorced. No, they are not suffering the same sense of separation that you are, but they can have an impact on how you are dealing with divorce. Many grandparents fear they won’t get to spend as much time with the kids once a divorce is finalized and some in-laws have developed quite a close relationship with their son’s or daughter’s spouse. 

This is where they will typically inject their thoughts and feelings which, in turn, may affect how you deal with getting through this extremely tense time. Often the added stress of worrying about what the in-laws are saying or feeling can add layers of tension to an already stressful situation. Maybe it’s time to reassure them that their relationship with you and the kids will not suffer. In any case, divorce really has more of an impact on the extended family than many of us realize even if that won’t alter the course we’ve set for ourselves.

Beyond Shared Parenting

What was once called shared parenting has now taken on a whole new depth in what is being called “coparenting.” Just because a marriage is breaking up because of irreconcilable differences, it doesn’t mean you don’t agree on one very important aspect of that marriage, the kids. Although mom and dad don’t always agree on such things as choices in schools, churches, or discipline, those things can be worked out with a few very successful coparenting strategies found in Ensemble's Guide

In coparenting, it is ideal if both parents share equally in financial support of the children as well as in sharing physical custody or joint decision-making rights. Ensemble has developed an app that enables parents to track expenses and payments. Both mom and dad enter information and since it is saved in the Cloud, all financial data is accessible to both parties 24/7. It’s just one less thing to ‘argue’ about when it comes to tracking child support.

Get the Support You Need

If you are finding it difficult to deal with all the various issues brought about by divorce, it is important to find someone to talk to. Whether you seek counseling or simply choose to find a support group in your community, it is unhealthy to keep things bottled up inside. Quite often it is through the process of opening up that we get to the heart of what is truly causing the greatest amount of pain or anxiety. It’s hard to be effective at coparenting if one or both partners harbor some level of ill will toward their former spouse.

The whole idea of coparenting is to create an environment for the children in which they won’t need to experience all the pain and anxiety that you, as adults, are feeling. Coparenting is meant to give the kids a sense of security in that they are not losing a parent and aren’t being made to live with one or the other. They will still have both parents in their lives, just simply in different homes. It can’t be said often enough that the whole basis for coparenting is to give children of divorce a sense of security. In order to be effective in coparenting, you need to be secure as well and that’s where support can lead you.

In a Perfect World

In a perfect world each and every divorce would be amicable and relatively stress-free. However, the world we live in falls short of perfection and parents need help to keep up with their obligations. Also, it isn’t always easy to share parenting responsibilities, even in a perfect world, but it can be made simpler with solid advice from coparenting guides, expense trackers, and other tools developed to help divorcing parents through this trying time. 

No, it isn’t a perfect world but life after divorce and coparenting does not need to be filled with anger and stress. At this point, it’s all about the children so with them as the center of your attention, coparenting can even be fun when you start enjoying that time alone when the kids are with your former spouse. 


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