As parents, we have hopes and dreams for our children the moment we know there is a baby on the way. Never in my wildest dreams was this a part of the journey I thought we would take together as a family! So, when pink turns blue, what do you do? I can tell what NOT to do! (chuckles to self) Join me on our family's journey from shock to acceptance and support. It has been our path to travel for the last six years, so I will share our journey in a series over the next few months. Buckle up and enjoy the ride. My hope is that this can help even one family or parent who may be on a similar journey.

Six years ago it felt like my world came crashing down on me. 

It began with bra shopping. I went in the dressing room with my daughter and when she took off her shirt, I saw that instead of a bra, she was using my lumbar support back brace from surgery I had, to bind her breasts. She said she had run out of bras that fit and was using it instead. After a conversation about coming to me when she needed underwear of any kind, I thought the whole thing was over. Boy was I wrong!

Once home, I talked with my husband and we decided to give it a day or so and then talk with her about it more. After the time passed, we asked her to come into our room, as we always do to discuss important matters with our kids. I asked her once more if the binding of her breasts was due to being out of bras or something else. 

She began to tear up. She explained that she had been binding because she hated her breasts and that she wanted a different body. I began to explain that these feelings are normal for a teenager to have. It was at this point she made the statement that rocked my world. 

"I want to be a boy and have for a while!"

My beautiful, talented, intelligent daughter told me she no longer wanted to be a girl but she identified as a boy.

Instead of acting out of love for my daughter and being kind to her, I flipped and told her she was deceived and that this is NOT what God wanted for her in her life. I regret the way I reacted to her announcement. Rather than stepping back and responding in love, I feared what others would think of me as a parent and that this somehow reflected on my walk with the Lord. I wanted control of the situation. I felt I was righteous in my judgment of the situation.

Now, I know I was wrong! Love, not judgment, is what my child needed from me. My legalistic religious thoughts kept me from doing just that.

I remember the moment my child said that God told her it was ok for her to explore her identity and that He would guide her on the right path. I decided I would be the vessel He would use - who gave me that right? 

I will never forget her crying and pleading with me to please stop saying this isn't what God wants for her because what God said to her was all she had left. Thinking I knew better than God, I broke her spirit by taking away what she was 100% sure God had said. It was very hard to forgive myself for doing that to my baby, but as I said, I HAD to be right.

This, my friends, is not the way to respond to your child. We tell them they "can be anything they want" and to "just be yourself", but when they do we are shocked and try to change them to our way of doing things. We are supposed to love them no matter what and encourage and help them on their journey, not stifle it. 

This is only the tip of the iceberg from our six-year journey to where we are with my son. I look forward to sharing more over time. Please know that if you are on a journey with your child(ren) similar to ours, you are not alone. I am praying for you and yours.

Blessings,