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A Letter to My Pregnant Self

Dear Pregnant Me,

It's finally happening... you've waited your whole life to be a mama and now it's going to happen for real! I know there are a million thoughts and emotions running through your head. Change is hard for you and this is arguably the biggest change there could possibly be. I know you wish you had a crystal ball to look into the future and ease all the worry and anxiety. So let me settle some things for you...

I know right now you're incredibly sick. The first trimester is a debilitating fog of nausea and fatigue and you feel so, so alone. Your pregnancy is still a secret to most and you're just bursting with the news, but also, you'd kill for a nap. I promise this isn't forever, although it feels like it now. I can't tell you that the nausea goes away for you, because it doesn't really, but it does become more manageable. Hang in there, the hard part will be over soon.

Look at you, mama! That little bump is finally starting to pop and the secret's out! I know you're so anxious to know whether your little sprout is a boy or a girl. Trust your gut, you know it's right, but you'll know for sure soon enough. Enjoy this season, because it's the very best part of your pregnancy journey.

I see your tears on Thanksgiving day, 30 weeks along, quarantined at home after a COVID exposure. This is where you hit a wall, physically and emotionally. Growing a human is hard enough, nevermind going through all this during a pandemic. You are strong. I know ten more weeks seems like forever, and they are going to be difficult, but I promise you can do this. 

I know it seems like all the very best parts of this journey were stolen from you by COVID. Your husband missed so many appointments and ultrasounds. Your baby shower was cancelled and turned into a drive-by. Your family isn't going to get to come to the hospital to meet your son. When they finally do meet him, they will wear masks for the first six weeks of his life, so you think you'll miss out on their true reactions to meeting him for the first time. But I'll tell you this - you'll still see the love in their eyes.

This pregnancy has been the hardest thing you've walked through in your life thus far. I know how weary you are and how anxious you are to get to the finish line. I know it seems impossible to imagine that the little life tumbling around inside of you is going to be here before you know it. You're worried about how you're going to do all of this. It's a daunting thing, becoming a parent, when you have struggled with difficult parent relationships in your life. But know this: Just because you have a crappy parent doesn't mean you're going to be a crappy parent yourself. I know it feels like you don't even know this kid, so how are you going to love him? I'll let you in on one last secret... You will love him right away. It seems silly looking back now, how much time I spent worrying over this basic fear. You already love him. You're just scared to realize just how much you already do. It's an overwhelming, terrifying, beautiful thing. You will understand it all, so soon. You're almost there. It's worth it all, I promise. I can't wait for you to meet him. He is amazing.



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