Have you ever felt like you've lost your spark? Lately, I have felt like I've lost mine... creatively, parentally, spiritually, all of it. The things that make me feel most joyful have been missing from my life, thanks to COVID. I've missed outings with my family, being silly, getting together with friends, writing just for the fun of it, and most of all- singing. Those who know me know that I sing, and sing often. For me not to be singing isn't normal, and friends, I haven't sung much over the past year.

I wanted to try to reignite my spark- my passion and love for singing. I've been playing old favorites in the car and have found myself too emotional to get through a single line of any song that is meaningful to me. I want so badly to get back to doing the things I love. Why is it so hard? I've built a wall up, making it impossible to break through. When COVID came about, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to 'take a break' from the things I loved doing, but felt were causing me pain and burnout. One year later, not participating in the things I loved participating in before feels normal, and feels okay, which leaves me feeling oh, so guilty.

There is, however, a ping inside of me that is pulling at my heartstrings. I'm 100% off of any and all anxiety medication/anti-depressants, thanks to the tiny babe growing inside of me. I'm feeling all the feels that were surpressed for so many years, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle what life might throw back in my lap if I take a step back. So much has changed in a year. I feel like I've aged five years in 365 days. I'm heavier (thanks, meds!), I'm pregnant, have more life responsibilities than I had two years ago, and am watching a business that I built grow and flourish day by day.

But that spark... I know it's there. That voice... I know it's God. That longing... I know it's true. So... how do I get back to where I was without the stress and heartache?

The only way I know to reignite a spark (any spark) is to start small, and build slowly toward a relationship. Parenting, marriage, writing, singing- I have relationships not just with the people who are involved in these things in my own life, but with the very things, themselves. Before I work on restoring relationships with people, I have to work on restoring relationships with these things. The hope and trust have to come back into play, the fun and joy has to bounce back, and the urge to grab onto what's in front of me and fight for it to stay with me has to be real. Will I feel that way again? I sure don't know. The saying goes that if we love something, we should let it go... and if it comes back, it was meant to be ours all along. I'm not sure if my season in/with some of my loves is over, or if I've simply just been hibernating during the harshness of the winter.

Spring will be here soon, and with spring comes great expectation. I know that new life comes in springtime, and I'm waiting in anticipation each day that I will see more and more signs of this truth. What will spring hold for you? I'm on a journey to find out what it will hold for me. Are you up for the challenge of slowly journeying together? It's a one day at a time sort of journey, friend. There's no race to be won, here.

I'm anxious and excited to see what will come about this spring. After a year of loss after loss, it's time to see new life. 

My hope and prayer is that you'll take the time to examine what's been dimmed in your life, and that you'll walk with me into newness of life this spring, leaving the darkness behind. May God grant you peace and strength as you work to reignite your spark for His glory.

Be well,