After the longest year, I am working to accept things that have changed so dramatically for me and my family.  We all struggled with change and loss this year, but here we are standing with only 4 days left of the year left.  As  much as I feel it took from me and others, it hasn't taken my daily life lessons.  I learned something new every day, even if it came to me in hindsight.

 January 2020, passed without any indication that the rest of the year would be the crazy mess it turned into.  February 2020, E left home to embark on his journey into adulthood, and in March 2020 my world fell apart.  I was furloughed like thousands of others and I had nothing but time to think about how I "failed" in life to be put in this position.

 

For years, I put my career in front of everything and here I am with no job, no children at home to care for, and anxiety that made me cry daily.  I believe there are lessons we learn everyday and a day without learning something is a wasted day.  I tried to find a silver lining, despite what my head was screaming at me.   There were days I was so overwhelmed that I didn't know what the life lesson for the day was.  That was the hardest part for me. 

It took time but I found my life lessons, even if they are in hindsight. 2020 is all about hindsight for me.  There were people, things,  and experiences I took for granted because I never had to make a choice, it was just routine I created. Without my routine,  I realized that everything that I felt was taken from me was God's way of telling me to take a break.  A break that I didn't know I needed but I did.

I have been back to work since September, after being off for 6 months.  Some people have not returned to work and are still struggling through what this pandemic has created.  This pandemic has created fear that centers on the human feeling of fearing the unknown.  We do not know what is going to happen, but we learned a lot of ways to keep it at bay.  I know more medical terms now than I do from watching Grey's Anatomy for 13 years.  

I learned about what I need above what I want.  I go into work with an appreciation to be there.  I learned that I really am a kitchen gadget nerd.... I love new ways to cook and not turning the stove or oven on is the best for me.  

Most importantly, I learned that time goes by so slowly when you want it to go by quickly and too quickly when you want it to go by slowly.  My family isn't guaranteed tomorrow nor am I.  It may be time I start looking at the big picture and find a new routine.  2020 has been the year of change... I am going to use it to bring out change in me.