Army Mom- Not Embracing The Suck


As you may know, E joined the army in February.  Life since then has been crazy with covid, losing my job, and being home all of the time.  I have nothing but time to think about how much I miss him and how much covid has taken from me.  It has been a pretty miserable few months.  As crazy as it sounds, I am not even that upset about my job as one day when this ends I will be able to go back.  I am mostly upset over the milestones I am missing as a new army mom.  I couldn't go for family day, graduation,  and his leave to come to collect his personal items has been canceled.  The expectation of being there for those moments really kept me going.  The army motto is to "Embrace the Suck"- well this mommy doesn't want to. 

I have always been and always will be E's biggest supporter, but the struggle is real when all I want is to hold my baby.  He may be an adult but in my heart, he is still my baby.  I am struggling with these unexpected changes and for those that don't have military children or spouses, it is the hardest thing ever.  I have heard people relate it to your child going off to college, but it isn't nearly relatable to me.  For the most part, school is a safe area and my baby is learning to fight or possibly risk his life.  It sounds so dramatic but my mind is all over the place.

I am proud of him and I want to be supportive, but I also want to wrap him in bubble wrap and never let him out of my sight again.  I am not okay seeing him carry a weapon.  This isn't a video game that I can disconnect when I get overwhelmed.  This is his life now. 

So, I have good days and some bad days with the amount of missing him I am experiencing.  I am sure it is normal to miss your firstborn, but also not be prepared for how quickly life can change.  He has 6 years in and he will still be in his mid-twenties when he comes out... if he comes out.  I know he wants to make a career of it, but if  I could wrap him in bubble wrap I would.  I would hide him from every bad or negative that can happen in life if I had the power.  

How did you handle your firstborn leaving?
Anyone go through a similar experience?
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