What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Mom


I always wanted to be independent and never rely on anyone but myself to get where I thought I needed to be in life.  It is funny how things change in the blink of an eye.  That independence I wanted to have was something I never needed and relying on my family has been a godsend. What I needed was to change my priorities and learn that relying on others doesn't make me weak it makes me stronger.  That strength would carry me on my good days and my bad days.  That strength would lead me to be the mom I am today.  Make no mistake, I have made mistakes along the way, but no one could prepare me for motherhood.  That is a journey all its own. 
There are so many things I wish I knew before becoming a mom, but to be fair I am glad I learned them along the way. All the advice you get along the way will help, but some of it will fall on deaf ears because each child is different and every experience will mold the outcome.  When I asked my mom how she could love all her children the same way she said one day I would know. When I asked my mom how is love different for your children as opposed to your siblings... again she answered one day you will know. 

E joined the military in February and is currently in training.  I get to speak to him once per month and I have struggled so much with this.  I miss him beyond words and dealing with the day to day in this "norm" has been almost surreal to me.  Part of me is grateful that he is out of Connecticut as our cases of Covid-19 are so high, but part of me thinks that no one can take care of him the way I can.  Part of me is grateful that he is not here eating me out of house and home, but I want him to have a home-cooked meal.  Mostly, I wish that I didn't work so hard that I neglected to count the memories. 

My son turned 19 on the 18th and it was his first birthday away from me and where I was unable to see him or talk to him.  To say I was heartbroken is an understatement.  There are only 940 Saturdays that you get with your children from birth until they turn 18.  At the moment you don't realize that and all too soon they are adults.  I wish my mom had told me that my son would be my best friend and that I would need him as much as he needed me. 

E stole my heart the moment I heard his heartbeat for the first time.  Being his mom has been a beautiful journey and one that I will cherish always. 


Make those weekends count, because time stands still for no one. 

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