We are all under stress during this time, BUT can these teens give us a little slack. I want to pull my hair out daily with my teens. Stress can tear apart families, and I’m not going to let that happen. I want to be an example and not a problem. So I need to reevaluate how I handle things and be there for my teen during stressful times. 

Growing up, I didn’t have much of a choice of anything when I was under my parent’s roof- which by the way, sucked and told myself I wouldn’t do the same to my kids. But I get why my mom was so mean, I was a mouthy teenager. Now I have two of me at home. 

So being that parent who doesn’t want to go to jail or the psych ward, I came with a PLAN! Which I think will help other parents in times like this!  I gave it some thought, and instead of telling them what to do, I can give them a gentle push so they can choose an action for themselves.

When a teen is stressed and overwhelmed, at best, they’ll shut down. At worst, they’re likely to make a series of decisions leading to disaster. I have both- one will slam her door and lock her room, and the other one well he will get loud and throw things in his room.  Now, this is not every day, only when tensions are high. My oldest is under a lot of stress- he was supposed to graduate this year. 

I take action when this happens; I need to calm the chaos. I will ask what he needs and how I can help rather than jumping in with a rapid-fire set of instructions. Once calm, it’s easier to talk to him. Can you imagine what is going on in their heads; during this time, they are scared! No need to add to their frustrations but be there for them when they are ready. 

Teens typically have a pretty skewed vision of themselves and don’t often see the things that their parents do. As a teen, they are filled with images of what they should be and will doubt themselves. Make sure to ask the questions that guide them to start seeing their strengths and talents. Show them how they can use their skills to solve the problem at hand.

Our teens need to reminded daily what is good in them- not what they are doing wrong.  Yes, as a mom, it is easy to nag at them all day, but don’t, please it is not doing anyone any good.  Letting them use their skills to solve problems will build confidence and pride in them plus help down the road when they are out on their own. 

Remember what works for you might not work for them- we are different, right?  So rather than giving them the options, show them where to find them. I tell my kids all the time GOOGLE it- I want them to learn on their terms instead of me telling them.  Talk to them about their goals and then discuss ways to find the information needed to make them a reality. 

My daughter wants to go to cosmetology school, so we have been looking into where she might want to go when she graduates high school.  My dream of her being a lawyer has been popped, but that is okay because it was my dream, not hers.  I also encourage them to talk to mentors and counselors at school to guide them on this path of discovery. There are so many resources out there; we have to look. 

When your teen gets stuck, instead of jumping in to tell them what to do, set up a session where the two of you can throw out ideas without censoring yourselves until you find a solution that sticks.

We call them sit-downs at my house. I want to help my kids out so much, I hate to see them struggle, but I also know I can’t fix it for them.  When my oldest wanted to get a job, instead of me doing his resume for him, we did research, and he did one on his own.  And he got the job.  

Praise efforts and celebrate successes. It feels so much better than hassling your teen for the things left undone, or the failures they’ve met along the way. We all need a cheerleader in our life- RIGHT? 

I don’t need or want to push my feelings or wants on my kids.  I’m here to help them make their own decisions and be their rock.  We do a lot of HIGH-FIVING at my house, and smiles are contingence. 

Please focus on the positive ways in which you can encourage your teen; you will find that your child comes away more motivated and excited about their lives in general. What’s more, you’ll build a positive relationship with your teen that you can enjoy in the years to come.  

If you are looking for a MOM PLANNER- we got you!  Check it out here- PLUS IT IS FREE!