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My 2019 Resolution

2018 was a year that I did not feel a significant level of tangible growth occur in the ways I had hoped. I take responsibility for that but I also realize external circumstances play an important part too. This year, I'm making a few commitments and I'm remembering something I wrote in my Bible as a young 13 year old.

"Never make a promise to God I can't keep." - wrote little Lindsey while away at Bible camp.

Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 4When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. 5It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it.
Deuteronomy 23:21-23 21If you make a vow to the LORD your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the LORD your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin. 22But if you refrain from making a vow, you will not be guilty. 23Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth.
Pretty straight forward, right? So much of the Bible is, despite many who try to complicate it's words. This is one of those simple and direct little instructional moments found in God's word that spoke to my heart as a young person and continues to do so to this day. A promise is a promise. A promise should be kept. A promise made to God is the ultimate promise, some might say. 

When I was 13, I made a vow to commit my heart to God for the rest of my life. I was already a Christian and was saved at the age of 5. I understood my Christianity in the fullest capacity that a young child that age, could. I realize it even more so now that I've seen my own 6 year old boys understand and have faith. I understood that I wanted to make the choice to believe in what Jesus had done for me on the cross at Calvary. That although I was a sinner, He died for me and prepares a place in Heaven for me when I die. He walks with me each day and speaks to me through His word, prayer and others. Those concepts I could understand. Those concepts, my kids can understand. They have each chosen to pray and ask Jesus to come and fill their hearts and take away their sins. I recall when they did so, I was so very excited to share the news with family. My grandmother had this piece of advice for me: "Disciple them now. Do not let years pass without checking in on their spiritual walk. Nurture that and make sure their hearts are continually in the right place." I loved that advice because it's such a good reminder. 

Fast forward a few years and at the age of 13, I made a promise or a vow, to God. I promised to follow Him all of my days. I promised to TRUST Him. I promised to commit my entire life to God for the rest of my life. Shew. That's big. I mean, that's kind of a lofty promise to make at 13. I read the above verses in Ecclesiastes and Deuteronomy for the very first time at that age, and was floored. It would be better for me to never vow anything to God than for me to make the vow and not follow through. This specific moment has stayed with me, my entire life. In seasons of trials, I am reminded. I made a vow and if I turn away now, I would break that promise. If I do not trust the Lord in this situation, essentially, I lied. Also, because I did make the vow, God will make good on my vow whether I have turned away or not. He cannot deny Himself and He has already said He is faithful. So He will remain faithful to me, regardless my lack of faith. He will BRING ME BACK. He will NOT LOSE ME, despite myself. 

This has impacted my entire life. It has shaped who I am as an adult. I am reminded every time I open my Bible (same one I had at 13), of my vow. Do you think it was just a coincidence that I wrote that down in my Bible that day? Is it just chance that led me to see those words year after year? Do you believe in a bigger plan that is happening in every moment of your life? I do. I believe God is working and moving pieces around to teach me, guide me and sometimes lovingly nudge me into remembrance. 

There were some moments in 2018 I admittedly forgot about my vow and sought approval in others and sought peace within my own mortal limitations. Through the pain, I forgot my vow. Not everyday, but at times, I forgot. There were times my prayers were not uttered in faith and trust, but rather in desperation and confusion. What I have come to understand is that it's ok to visit those feelings, but do not unpack and stay. 

This handsome guy right here: my best friend and rock. I'm so looking forward to every adventure and memory made in 2019!

My resolution?
 The vow I made when I was 13. I WILL trust God more. I will lean on Him and His promises to me, more. I will not look for peace or acceptance in myself or others. Only God can provide. When I do all of these things, any other goal I set for myself or for my family will be achievable. This house is built upon the solid rock that is God and while that is not a shaky foundation...  there were a few weak spots within my own heart that needed to be strengthened. I may not have reinforced every brick, but I am on a journey to do so and I am here for it. God, I'm Yours. 


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