Beauty in Brokenness

Happy New Year! My New Year's Eve was completely low-key, and uneventful. I hope that yours was safe, and lots of fun. We stayed in with the kiddos- one fighting a cough and diaper rash, and the other wildly excited about our pending beach trip. We had packing to do, cleaning to tackle, and took down our Christmas tree. Today kicks off a new year... 2018, and it presents a clean slate and a fresh start, which I am thankful for.

2017 wasn't a terrible year. It was a busy one for me. My family traveled a lot, and I also met a lot of personal goals related to Mommy's Block Party. But I'm tired. I am always so, so tired. My friends and family see it, a best friend of mine even declared it when I saw her over Christmas break. After spending an hour with my kids, she said, 'Now I know why you always say you're 'tired' when I ask how you are.' The truth is, I feel run-down most of the time. I let work take precedence over almost everything else, and I am exhausted. 

One of my big goals for 2018 is to take better care of myself. I give all of my time and energy to my kids, and to my job, and what little there is leftover goes to my church. When it feels like everything you love is draining you completely, something has got to give. I can't remember the last time I soaked in a tub- maybe a year ago? My last haircut was 6 months ago. Last pedicure- going on two years ago. My sis-in-law gave me the lovely gift of a service of my choosing from Massage Envy for my Christmas gift, which I desperately need- but will I make the time to use it? Will I build daily exercise back into my routine? Will I go to the doctor when I am concerned about personal health issues? Looks like I have a long list of resolutions.

Last night, I prepared Chinese food at home for our family. We sat down, prayed together, and began our meal. As I helped Baby S scoop up her rice, my hand slipped, and I dropped one of my chopsticks on my plate. It slid off the edge and hit the cold tile floor. 'Nooo,' I said as I watched it fall, and then shatter into several pieces. My heart sank. My favorite chopsticks were now ruined. My family could see that I was visibly upset, near tears, in fact. My son couldn't understand why I would be so sad over a broken chopstick. I tried my best to explain that they were special because Sacha (my husband) gave them to me as a Christmas gift many years ago.

Sacha bent down and began sweeping up the broken pieces. In that moment, I felt like the broken chopstick- large pieces here and there, along with tiny shards, spread throughout the kitchen. My 7-year-old said, 'Don't worry, mommy! You can still use the other one!' He was right. Part of the set of chopsticks was still there. The one that survived had a small chip on the end, but I used it, still- knowing full well that it was still 'good.'

 Those broken pieces of the chopstick were still beautiful, even if they were no longer bound together. I may not feel completely whole my entire life through, but each and every broken piece of me has a purpose. 

As we begin a brand new year, I leave you with these words to one of my favorite worship songs. May God's amazing grace and unyielding love remind us that we were created in His image- beautiful children of a Heavenly Father who makes all things beautiful. Blessings to you in 2018!

All these pieces
Broken and scattered
In mercy gathered
Mended and whole
Empty handed
But not forsaken
I've been set free
I've been set free

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
But now I'm found
Was blind but now I see

Oh I can see you now
Oh I can see the love in Your eyes
Laying yourself down
Raising up the broken to life

-Hillsong Worship

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