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So, This Is Love...

Well, I feel that I am slowly re-joining the world a little at a time each and every day since our sweet little son entered our lives. I really should be catching a nap right now, since he's sleeping- but a blog update is long overdue.

Balian's Birth Story:

I was scheduled to be induced on Monday morning, Oct. 11th and needed to be there to check in at 6 am. So, the day before, I spent a great deal of time preparing myself for what was to come the next day. Sacha's friends decided to come visit him that afternoon- the 10th. It had been quite a long time since they had all been together, so I didn't mind them being in the house, as long as they didn't mind my fluttering about, packing last minute things and doing one final load of laundry. I even cleaned out the car- with a little help from my mom, because I wanted everything just perfect when we brought Balian home for the very first time. 

Sacha's friends left in the early evening, and my parents stopped by for a quick visit. After mom and dad left to head home, Sacha and I decided we'd better have a quick bite to eat, and then I needed to shower and get to bed- 5 am was going to come earlier than I wanted it to, and I knew I wouldn't get any sleep... too anxious! We were in the kitchen a few minutes after 7 pm, preparing to heat up some soup, and then all of the sudden- my water decided to break! Sacha began rushing around, trying to grab our bags, asking me a million questions, calling his mom, etc. I called my parents- they had just gotten home, but they turned right around to head to the hospital to meet us.

We were excited... happy that my water broke and that the baby had decided to come out on his own... because I did not want to be induced. Everything was lollipops and butterflies on the way to the hospital- until my contractions started- hard and fast... way fast- less than 5 minutes apart fast! We made it slowly, but surely down the hospital corridor to the Women & Children's center... the walk seemed to take forever. Wish there was a call button at the parking deck so someone could come with a wheelchair to pick you up! Walking down long hallways w/major contractions is not easy! When we finally made it to Labor/Delivery, we got situated in a room, and were soon after met by my mom and dad, and by Gretchen and Rachel (Sacha's mom and sister). I was surprised the nurses let everyone stay in the room with us, as there were only supposed to be 3 other people in there with me. I had an exam right away, and was only dilated about 4 cm. The nurse asked me what kind of pain medication I wanted, and I told her that I didn't really want to have an epidural, but that I wasn't going to completely rule it out. Yeah- glad I didn't rule it out, and even if I had, I still probably would have changed my mind. The contractions just got stronger and came on much faster- 1 1/2 - 2 minutes apart, but I was far from being dilated enough to start pushing.  So, yeah- I told the nurse I was ready for my epidural around 9 pm, and by 9:30, the anesthesiologist was in my room, preparing his table! Didn't hurt- barely felt it... the worst part was leaning over the table while the contractions were still coming.

After the epidural, everyone was allowed to come back into the room, and I felt great. I couldn't feel my contractions at all, and was able to sort of rest and carry on conversations with my family. At around 3 am, Dr. Mills said I was ready to go, so the family made their way to the waiting room, and we started a long 2 1/2 hour stretch of pushing... with no signs of the baby wanting to come out. Dr. Mills said it would be best to try to get him out with the forceps... literally, the scariest, most painful thing I have ever experienced, and hope to soon forget. Even with the use of forceps, Balian still did not want to come out to meet us. Dr. Mills explained that my pelvic opening was just too small, and that Balian was quite literally stuck. He told me and Sacha that I was going to need a C-Section right away, and as soon as I heard that, I was relieved- because I felt that I could endure nothing else! Before I knew it, there were tons of people in and out of the room, prepping me for surgery right away. It took about 30 minutes from the time Dr. Mills said 'c-section' to the time they wheeled me to the O.R. Can't say I remember too much- lots of people- all asking me questions... me just wanting them to send Sacha in. I remember one of the doctors asking Sacha if he brought the camera into the O.R. with him, once they finally let him come in, and he said 'no,' and I told him that I was fine and he needed to go get the camera! One of the doctors actually went back to our room to get the camera for us. They were all really super- the entire staff. I don't remember anything after that... after a few minutes, I heard crying- I assumed it was BalianBalian. It was time for Balian to go to the nursery, and for me to go to recovery. Sacha could have gone with me, but I wanted him to stay with the baby. I knew I'd be fine on my own. My poor family was so concerned about me... mom said she cried when they wheeled me past them in the hallway... she didn't want me to be alone. I was so out of it, that I don't remember going past them... mom said they stopped in the hallway so my family could see me. Next thing I knew, I was waking up in recovery- alone, being pumped full of drugs and hooked up to a million wires, etc. I do remember asking the nurse over and over again when I could go back upstairs to see my baby... because it felt like we hadn't really met yet. I had no idea what time it was- didn't even know what time the baby was born until I got back up to postpardum.

I went back upstairs around 8:30 am, where Sacha met me in our room. I was glad to see him. The baby was still in the nursery, and I was getting the low-down that he hated his bath, etc. Balian was born at 6:14 am, weighing 7 lbs 5 oz. It was near 9 am when the nurses finally brought Balian into our room, and placed him in my arms for the first time. It seems like the world stopped for just a minute, as I felt a surge of a completely new kind of love. With Sacha right beside me and me holding our son, we had our first glimpse of our new life together- as our own little family.

A while later, family came in and took turns holding Balian for the first time. He spent his first two days being passed around like a football, and didn't seem to mind it... we later learned it was because he had jaundice. He spent all day Wednesday under the Billi Light- it was hard to leave him in there all day, unable to hold him, just because I wanted to. We began breastfeeding from day one- definitely not easy at first, but we're getting the hang of it and had a lot of help from our Lamaze instructor, who is also a lactation consultant- Ms. Connie... we love her- she's been wonderful to us.

We were discharged from the hospital on Thursday. Recovery from the c-section has been difficult, but that being my first surgical procedure ever, I didn't know what to expect. Balian and I have been staying at home together, and Sacha has returned to working during the day. We're not getting much sleep- due to Balian's round the clock feeding schedule. It would be so easy to just give him formula- but I enjoy the closeness we share during his feedings. Makes me feel like I can't leave the house, but I'm sure I'll get over that little by little. I don't have a lot of freedom during the day, which is why I'm not really answering the phone or returning phone calls. I'm lucky if I get to grab a sec to use the restroom or make a sandwich. Life is completely different, but has honestly never been better. We are so blessed and happy... even with zero sleep. :)

My post-op visit with the Dr. went well this morning. We made it out the door with Balian by 9 am- me in real clothes, feeling sort of human for the first time in two weeks. Tomorrow will be another test- Balian has an appt. with his pediatrician at 10:15. My sweet little man is waking, hungry, no doubt... he's making the cutest noises. I call them his 'puppy sounds,' because he sounds like a little puppy when he's waking up. I'm looking forward to our 'face time' this afternoon- where we stare at each other and I watch him make adorable faces at me... what better way us there to spend an afternoon?

Thanks for all of your well wishes, love and prayers. We'll try to update you on how we're doing again soon. :) Xxxxxxxxxxxx..........

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